IT'S OKAY

• IT'S OKAY TO GRIEVE:
  The death of a loved one is a reluctant and drastic amputation, without any anesthesia. The pain cannot be described, and no scale can measure the loss. We despise the truth that the death cannot be reversed, and that somehow our dear one returned. Such hurt!! It's okay to grieve.
   
• IT'S OKAY TO CRY:
  Tears release the flood of sorrow, of missing and of love. Tears relieve the brute force of hurting, enabling us to "level off" and continue our cruise along the stream of life. It's okay to cry.
   
• IT'S OKAY TO HEAL:
  We do not need to "prove" we loved him or her. As the months pass, we are slowly able to move around with less outward grieving each day. We need not feel "guilty", for this is not an indication that we love less. It means that, although we don't like it, we are learning to accept death. It's a healthy sign of healing. It's okay to heal.
   
• IT'S OKAY TO LAUGH:
  Laughter is not a sign of "less" grief. Laughter is not a sign of "less" love. It's a sign that many of our thoughts and memories are happy ones. It's a sign that we know our memories are happy ones. It's a sign that we know our dear one would have us laugh again. It's okay to laugh.

GRIEVING

• Know that you can survive. Though you may feel you cannot survive, you can.
   
• The intense feelings of grief can be overwhelming and frightening. This is normal. You are not going crazy; you are grieving.
   
• You may experience feelings of guilt, confusion, and anger, even fear. These are all common responses to grief.
   
• You may even have thoughts of suicide. This, too, is common. It does not mean you will act on those thoughts.
   
• Forgetfulness is a common, but temporary side effect. Grieving takes so much energy that other things will fade in importance.
   
• Keep asking "why" until you no longer need to ask.
   
• Healing takes time. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve.
   
• Grief has no predictable pattern or timetable. Though there are elements of commonality in grief, each person and each situation is unique.
   
• If you can delay making major decisions, do so.
   
• The path of grief is one of twists and turns and you may often feel you are getting nowhere. Remember that even setbacks are a kind of progress.
   
• This is the hardest thing you will ever do. Be patient with yourself.
   
• Seek out people who are willing to listen when you need to talk and who understand you need to be silent.
   
• Give yourself permission to seek professional help.
   
• Avoid people who try to tell you what to feel and how to feel it and, in particular, those who think you should "be over it by now."
   
• Find a support group for survivors that provides a safe place for you to express your feelings or simply a place to go to be with other survivors who are experiencing some of the same things you are going through.